i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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