I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
