i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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