He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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