you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
