im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
