ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
