I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
