Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
