Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
