I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
