She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
