That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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