I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
