did you get engaged???
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
