Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this just has baby written all over it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
