I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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