My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
