so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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