whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
