i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
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