Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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