Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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