my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
