is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
