The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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