How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
