I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
