everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
