Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Im part way to drunk.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
