Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
