My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
