Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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