I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
