Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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