fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
