Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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