I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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