I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my liver is dry heaving
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
