No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
