I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
