didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
