You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
