Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
