Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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