I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
