walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Drake has all the answers
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
