normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
