you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we made out on top of his cat.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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