she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
