don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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