Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
