all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
