was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
