If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
